Character… What Can Kill It? #3 – “Controlling others” (Part One)
“Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Phil 2:4
* I have observed & studied human behavior for years. One conclusion: One of the problems humans face is the desire to control others. People use all kinds of questionable means to reach a position of control. Our character that is to be molded not according to the world, but according to Christ, atrophies if we use immoral methods to obtain what we want. The Lenten season is a great time to analyze if we are seeking our own interests or if we are looking for the interest of others as Paul says in Philippians 2:4. The Lord Jesus did not go on a self promoting campaign, instead He became a servant to all. He also tells His followers to be servants. He has never given us the right to control or manipulate others.
* Some people get the biggest kick out of controlling others. They skillfully use their verbal abilities & their body language. It is almost like a spell. Manipulations come in many forms. Whether it is a wife who stays in an abusive relationship with her husband or a mother who allows her drug-addicted child to continually take money from her, there are many people in the world who manipulate others for their own satisfaction, not caring for the well being of the other person. These are subtle ways that do not involve a person physically abusing another person. I have even seen small people controlling big people. This controlling business happens in families, at the job, & even at church.
* Here are some situations that can kill your “follower of Christ” character:
1. A controlling person never allows you to make your point when there is a difference of opinion – They will only allow a conversation go in the direction they want it to go so they will not lose the argument. Controlling people by nature get furious when you disagree with them. They might even act as if they want your input, but the moment they see the conversation is not going their way, they twist things around or pick on one little thing said and go on a rabbit trail with the intent of derailing the conversation, never letting it come to a conclusion that deviates from their position.
2. A controlling person throws temper tantrums and threats – When they do not have their way they will do anything, even threaten violence to get people to do what they want.
3. A controlling person constantly tries to make victims feel guilty about the way they treat them when the opposite is really true. They will try to make the victim think that they are the abuser - by using reverse psychology, they are able to fool the controlled person into thinking the abuser is really the victim. The victim ends up apologizing and the abuser continues with his bullying.
4. A controlling person is always expecting more from you and is never satisfied – If he does not get what he/she wants, he/she will say things like: “I hate this family!” “I hate this job… I hate this church!”
No matter how much you do for them, it is never enough. And those who fall victim to these bullies, will feel obligated to try harder and harder to please & serve the controller.
5. The controller always questions your motives – He wants to make his/her victim unsure about themselves, so he/she questions the motives of the person they control. The victim becomes unsure and sometimes spiritually & emotional unstable & consequently the victim looks up to the controller as a role model for godliness and purity & the controller is in charge.
6. A controller is constantly putting you down – They call you names and question the wisdom in your decisions. The victim will then try harder to please the controller and seek advice for every minor thing.
* We will continue next week with this topic. Meanwhile I want to encourage all of us to take a serious look at ourselves and see if we have the tendency to want to control others for our benefit. Christ summarized the commandments by saying that the most important one is to love God with everything that is in us, & the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Love & control do NOT go together. Love & being a servant… oh, yeah… those go together very well! So, let’s do it.
* God bless us all! Join us for the Mid-week Lenten services – Wednesdays at 7:00 PM.
Rev. Don Sonntag
“Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Phil 2:4
* I have observed & studied human behavior for years. One conclusion: One of the problems humans face is the desire to control others. People use all kinds of questionable means to reach a position of control. Our character that is to be molded not according to the world, but according to Christ, atrophies if we use immoral methods to obtain what we want. The Lenten season is a great time to analyze if we are seeking our own interests or if we are looking for the interest of others as Paul says in Philippians 2:4. The Lord Jesus did not go on a self promoting campaign, instead He became a servant to all. He also tells His followers to be servants. He has never given us the right to control or manipulate others.
* Some people get the biggest kick out of controlling others. They skillfully use their verbal abilities & their body language. It is almost like a spell. Manipulations come in many forms. Whether it is a wife who stays in an abusive relationship with her husband or a mother who allows her drug-addicted child to continually take money from her, there are many people in the world who manipulate others for their own satisfaction, not caring for the well being of the other person. These are subtle ways that do not involve a person physically abusing another person. I have even seen small people controlling big people. This controlling business happens in families, at the job, & even at church.
* Here are some situations that can kill your “follower of Christ” character:
1. A controlling person never allows you to make your point when there is a difference of opinion – They will only allow a conversation go in the direction they want it to go so they will not lose the argument. Controlling people by nature get furious when you disagree with them. They might even act as if they want your input, but the moment they see the conversation is not going their way, they twist things around or pick on one little thing said and go on a rabbit trail with the intent of derailing the conversation, never letting it come to a conclusion that deviates from their position.
2. A controlling person throws temper tantrums and threats – When they do not have their way they will do anything, even threaten violence to get people to do what they want.
3. A controlling person constantly tries to make victims feel guilty about the way they treat them when the opposite is really true. They will try to make the victim think that they are the abuser - by using reverse psychology, they are able to fool the controlled person into thinking the abuser is really the victim. The victim ends up apologizing and the abuser continues with his bullying.
4. A controlling person is always expecting more from you and is never satisfied – If he does not get what he/she wants, he/she will say things like: “I hate this family!” “I hate this job… I hate this church!”
No matter how much you do for them, it is never enough. And those who fall victim to these bullies, will feel obligated to try harder and harder to please & serve the controller.
5. The controller always questions your motives – He wants to make his/her victim unsure about themselves, so he/she questions the motives of the person they control. The victim becomes unsure and sometimes spiritually & emotional unstable & consequently the victim looks up to the controller as a role model for godliness and purity & the controller is in charge.
6. A controller is constantly putting you down – They call you names and question the wisdom in your decisions. The victim will then try harder to please the controller and seek advice for every minor thing.
* We will continue next week with this topic. Meanwhile I want to encourage all of us to take a serious look at ourselves and see if we have the tendency to want to control others for our benefit. Christ summarized the commandments by saying that the most important one is to love God with everything that is in us, & the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Love & control do NOT go together. Love & being a servant… oh, yeah… those go together very well! So, let’s do it.
* God bless us all! Join us for the Mid-week Lenten services – Wednesdays at 7:00 PM.
Rev. Don Sonntag