"The Word of God & Tough Love”
* I have heard the term “tough love” quite often lately. It is usually used in the context of people who are facing problems and need help, are hurting. Sometimes it is used in a situation when we are dealing with people who are considered “trouble-makers.”
* Unfortunately, we tend to be more “tough” than loving in those cases. Why? Simple! Because people who are in need of help and those who are “trouble-makers” can easily cause us grief and often these people want to make us responsible for their issues. They fill our ears with their complaints; they take up our time & resources, they can drain us emotionally, and at the end their problems are projected onto us and their issues “becomes our issues” if we allow it (sometimes even when we don’t allow it).
* Let’s go back to the expression “tough love”. Whenever two opposite words like this come together, we should be aware of the potential danger. The problem is that popular strategies like tough love can be confusing. They can do more damage than good. When we try to help people because of the love of Jesus, we are often confused by how much “tough” and how much “love” we should use.
* We need to remember here that even Jesus, who is love, sometimes was tough on people. If you don’t use the right amount of both, you ruin the recipe, just like an over-cooked prime-rib.
* When we use a “tough love” approach we need to use a two-sided approach: We need to accept the people for who they are providing help, but also help them to take responsibility for their actions and life. It is an approach that empowers, loves, & removes all judgment. It takes away the potential damage caused by "tough love" and brings about true freedom in people's lives.
* “Tough love”, is an expression that is generally thought of as a disciplinary measure where someone is treated sternly with the intention of helping him/her in the long run. To give assistance to a person asking for help when to do so would simply allow him to continue along a dangerous path is not productive. However, with tough love in a biblical sense, correction is always controlled by a loving heart. Solomon said, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” Proverbs 13:24.
* We have to be careful however… On occasions tough love is also used as a excuse, as a subtle form of refusal to help a person in real need.
* To fully understand the importance of why tough love is sometimes necessary, we first need to understand that in our life there are always spiritual battles raging. The outcomes of these spiritual battles are very significant to our Christian life. Satan and his host of demons make every attempt to knock us off the path of our spiritual journey, continually tempting Christians to give in to their sinful nature (1 Peter 5:8). Christ told us, “Broad is the road that leads to destruction” and many will be on it” Matthew 7:13. Tough love must be a way to help people out of a destructive habit…or bad situation into a better, more permanent stable reality. A strong dose of tough love may be the most appropriate recourse to help one get off the road of destruction, especially if he’s been on it for a while. The rule is very simple… What you are planning to do with a person that is asking for help, or the manner you talk to the “trouble-maker” must be the best thing you can do for them. If it is not, it might be tough, but it is not love.
* John D. Beckett shares the following story about the redemptive power of tough love: “I was in a dental chair being prepped for a filling. The dental technician said, out of the blue, ‘You're Mr. Beckett, aren't you?’ I grunted assent. ‘Well, I want to thank you for firing my husband.’ I was stuck… I could only listen to the ensuing monologue. ‘It happened ten years ago. A few days after your company hired my husband, he was notified he had failed a drug test. You may not recall, but you called him into your office before he left. You said, 'I realize I don't have any choice but to terminate you, but I want to tell you something. You're at a crossroads. You can keep going the way you are, and the results are very predictable. Or you can take this as a wake-up call. You can decide you're going to turn your life around…. I want you to know, my husband took your advice. Today, he's a good father, a good husband, and he has a fine job. Thank you for firing my husband!’ I wish I could say that all our terminations have turned out this way. Regardless of the outcome… we must be prepared to take action when a situation can't be brought around. In a strange way, it's an aspect of our care for people.” (Next week… “tough love and children”.)
* God bless you! Make sure you show love even when you have to be tough.
Your pastor, Don Sonntag
* I have heard the term “tough love” quite often lately. It is usually used in the context of people who are facing problems and need help, are hurting. Sometimes it is used in a situation when we are dealing with people who are considered “trouble-makers.”
* Unfortunately, we tend to be more “tough” than loving in those cases. Why? Simple! Because people who are in need of help and those who are “trouble-makers” can easily cause us grief and often these people want to make us responsible for their issues. They fill our ears with their complaints; they take up our time & resources, they can drain us emotionally, and at the end their problems are projected onto us and their issues “becomes our issues” if we allow it (sometimes even when we don’t allow it).
* Let’s go back to the expression “tough love”. Whenever two opposite words like this come together, we should be aware of the potential danger. The problem is that popular strategies like tough love can be confusing. They can do more damage than good. When we try to help people because of the love of Jesus, we are often confused by how much “tough” and how much “love” we should use.
* We need to remember here that even Jesus, who is love, sometimes was tough on people. If you don’t use the right amount of both, you ruin the recipe, just like an over-cooked prime-rib.
* When we use a “tough love” approach we need to use a two-sided approach: We need to accept the people for who they are providing help, but also help them to take responsibility for their actions and life. It is an approach that empowers, loves, & removes all judgment. It takes away the potential damage caused by "tough love" and brings about true freedom in people's lives.
* “Tough love”, is an expression that is generally thought of as a disciplinary measure where someone is treated sternly with the intention of helping him/her in the long run. To give assistance to a person asking for help when to do so would simply allow him to continue along a dangerous path is not productive. However, with tough love in a biblical sense, correction is always controlled by a loving heart. Solomon said, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” Proverbs 13:24.
* We have to be careful however… On occasions tough love is also used as a excuse, as a subtle form of refusal to help a person in real need.
* To fully understand the importance of why tough love is sometimes necessary, we first need to understand that in our life there are always spiritual battles raging. The outcomes of these spiritual battles are very significant to our Christian life. Satan and his host of demons make every attempt to knock us off the path of our spiritual journey, continually tempting Christians to give in to their sinful nature (1 Peter 5:8). Christ told us, “Broad is the road that leads to destruction” and many will be on it” Matthew 7:13. Tough love must be a way to help people out of a destructive habit…or bad situation into a better, more permanent stable reality. A strong dose of tough love may be the most appropriate recourse to help one get off the road of destruction, especially if he’s been on it for a while. The rule is very simple… What you are planning to do with a person that is asking for help, or the manner you talk to the “trouble-maker” must be the best thing you can do for them. If it is not, it might be tough, but it is not love.
* John D. Beckett shares the following story about the redemptive power of tough love: “I was in a dental chair being prepped for a filling. The dental technician said, out of the blue, ‘You're Mr. Beckett, aren't you?’ I grunted assent. ‘Well, I want to thank you for firing my husband.’ I was stuck… I could only listen to the ensuing monologue. ‘It happened ten years ago. A few days after your company hired my husband, he was notified he had failed a drug test. You may not recall, but you called him into your office before he left. You said, 'I realize I don't have any choice but to terminate you, but I want to tell you something. You're at a crossroads. You can keep going the way you are, and the results are very predictable. Or you can take this as a wake-up call. You can decide you're going to turn your life around…. I want you to know, my husband took your advice. Today, he's a good father, a good husband, and he has a fine job. Thank you for firing my husband!’ I wish I could say that all our terminations have turned out this way. Regardless of the outcome… we must be prepared to take action when a situation can't be brought around. In a strange way, it's an aspect of our care for people.” (Next week… “tough love and children”.)
* God bless you! Make sure you show love even when you have to be tough.
Your pastor, Don Sonntag