* There are hundreds of Bible passages about helping one’s neighbor. As a matter of fact, Jesus summarized all of God’s Law into loving God and loving our neighbor. But a question arises: How much can I help another person before becoming codependent? I don’t think we can “embrace” all the problems other people have & personally try to solve every single one of them. It creates codependency. After a time we will be so enmeshed with the other person that he/she will come to you for the most menial problems and demand you take action to solve them for them. How will you feel if all you do in life is solve their problems 100% of the time? I can guarantee that negative feelings will sprout from your gut. We cannot have a “Savior complex.” There is only one Savior, and it is not you!
* As Christians we need to be there for others when there is a real need. It is important to show empathy and offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when there is a real need. Relationships between those who need help and those who have the resources to provide help need to be harmonious.
* I want to make sure that you understand that codependency goes two ways. On one side is the person that completely demands another person to provide answers and solutions at all times. On the other side, there is a feeling of superiority and the condescending attitude of the provider. Once these two people meet… the ground is fertile for codependency. They will “feed” on each other until the relationship becomes completely destructive for the emotional health – it is crippling/paralyzing for the both of them.
* We need to be instrumental in building a better world for everyone. We need to be able to wear each other’s shoes and understand their needs without judgment or criticism, but we cannot live someone else’s life vicariously and solve all their problems. Yes, we are our brother’s keeper, but God makes every person responsible for their own life. He also expects us to deal with the challenges in our life without throwing them at someone else to solve them. We cannot, for the wellbeing of everyone, just accept the concept of emotional entitlement. Limits need to be established. We need to learn to establish limits. To help, to love, to have empathy... GREAT... But to absorb all the issues another person faces at all times… the little pains & the major crisis is not healthy for anybody.
* The author of Proverbs says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Prov. 19:20. After giving advice, mentoring and leading people, they need to start walking on their own… Actually, not on their own, but by trusting in God’s help to stand up and face the world and the problems it throws at us. He is the One who can help in all situations. Psalm 121 says, “I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? 2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!” Psalm 121:1-2.
* Always ask yourself: “AM I HELPING THE OTHER PERSON, OR AM I BEING CODEPENDENT?” The wisest thing we can do is to help people understand that they need to be responsible for their problems… provide guidance, help them in need, but never become so enmeshed with them… with their problems that we no longer know what our life is and what their life is.
* Love! Be there for others! Be supportive! Yes, be kind! - “…don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.” Hebrews 13:16 - but try not to let people take advantage of you. It is sinful on their part - at the end it will not be healthy for them. It also brings disappointment, chaos, and bitterness to you. Please establish limits... do not become a sponge that absorbs every single problem around you!
* We will continue addressing this topic next week, but for now, think about it!
* Have a blessed weekend! Go to church and BE the church!
Rev. Don Sonntag
* As Christians we need to be there for others when there is a real need. It is important to show empathy and offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when there is a real need. Relationships between those who need help and those who have the resources to provide help need to be harmonious.
* I want to make sure that you understand that codependency goes two ways. On one side is the person that completely demands another person to provide answers and solutions at all times. On the other side, there is a feeling of superiority and the condescending attitude of the provider. Once these two people meet… the ground is fertile for codependency. They will “feed” on each other until the relationship becomes completely destructive for the emotional health – it is crippling/paralyzing for the both of them.
* We need to be instrumental in building a better world for everyone. We need to be able to wear each other’s shoes and understand their needs without judgment or criticism, but we cannot live someone else’s life vicariously and solve all their problems. Yes, we are our brother’s keeper, but God makes every person responsible for their own life. He also expects us to deal with the challenges in our life without throwing them at someone else to solve them. We cannot, for the wellbeing of everyone, just accept the concept of emotional entitlement. Limits need to be established. We need to learn to establish limits. To help, to love, to have empathy... GREAT... But to absorb all the issues another person faces at all times… the little pains & the major crisis is not healthy for anybody.
* The author of Proverbs says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Prov. 19:20. After giving advice, mentoring and leading people, they need to start walking on their own… Actually, not on their own, but by trusting in God’s help to stand up and face the world and the problems it throws at us. He is the One who can help in all situations. Psalm 121 says, “I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? 2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!” Psalm 121:1-2.
* Always ask yourself: “AM I HELPING THE OTHER PERSON, OR AM I BEING CODEPENDENT?” The wisest thing we can do is to help people understand that they need to be responsible for their problems… provide guidance, help them in need, but never become so enmeshed with them… with their problems that we no longer know what our life is and what their life is.
* Love! Be there for others! Be supportive! Yes, be kind! - “…don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.” Hebrews 13:16 - but try not to let people take advantage of you. It is sinful on their part - at the end it will not be healthy for them. It also brings disappointment, chaos, and bitterness to you. Please establish limits... do not become a sponge that absorbs every single problem around you!
* We will continue addressing this topic next week, but for now, think about it!
* Have a blessed weekend! Go to church and BE the church!
Rev. Don Sonntag